Monday, August 11, 2008

Coming Back to Life

There is something that I do that I am very passionate about. It is spiritual and personal and an expression of how I worship. I sign to music - particularly praise music. I've done it since I learned my first song, Silent Night, in first grade. Since then, I have taken every sign class I could find. From girl scout camp to the very first time my high school offered sign as a foreign language, I was there. When I went to college and found a sign language choir to be involved in I was hooked. This is where I found my passion. I was blessed when I was able to lead the group the second year I was there. God did amazing things in my life during that time. After college, I was disappointed when I came back to my home church in a large metropolitan city and wasn't able to do regularly what I had come to love. Eventually, I had the wonderful opportunity to interpret for a deaf couple and was even invited to sign to music at their wedding. I did occasional interpretation (of services and music) after that, but it wasn't on a regular schedule.

Then, we moved to Wyoming last year. We found a church that we loved and they even had a place for me on the praise team to sign as much as I wanted. I was so excited to have the opportunity to share the passion that God had put in my heart. I had about 6 months of signing nearly every week. Last fall, I started having with joint pain again (I had seen docs before and no one could tell me what was wrong). I really didn't think anything of it until mid-December when I started having nerve / muscle pains in my arms. When I was in church one Sunday morning, I realized my arms were not lifting up like they should. They hurt and I couldn't get them up to form the signs for the music. (I wasn't on the praise team that day.) The next week I informed our music leader that I would have to take a leave of absence until I figured out what was going on. A few months later I was diagnosed with Young Onset Parkinson's. Now, I was on medicine that helped with the pain and stiffness. But I was also dealing with the emotional side of being diagnosed and just couldn't get myself to worship with all my heart. It was the first time I had ever had such a hard time worshiping.

So, now we come to August and I still hadn't done it since I started having problems last December (I checked my file on i tunes where I keep my church music - the last music on there was Christmas music). That is, until Friday night in Atlanta. I was fortunate enough to receive a scholarship to attend the Young Onset Parkinson's Network conference in Atlanta, Georgia. I was rooming with a couple friends (wonderful Christian ladies) I met online while I was there. I knew that it was time to sign again and I couldn't think of a better time or place. It was very emotional for me. I had to take a few minutes before I could start the music and get started. (I chose "You Never Let Go" for my first song. At my very first brain MRI that song was on the mix CD that they let me listen to inside the tube.) They were very understanding and encouraging and even requested more after the first song. After that first song, it got a lot easier and I actually enjoyed it again. We went through several songs before we decided we really had to go to bed. I think I am starting to come back around. So, it turns out my time at the conference was so good for me for more than just the information I received and the friends I got to meet in person and the great big hugs I got to give and receive. (not to mention the Blue Bell ice cream I got to enjoy!!)

I got a part of me back.