Going Home Again

Ok, so I know it's been a LONG time since I posted.  In the past few months we bought a house and have been moving and renovating.  We are hoping to be done very soon, but it has been a long process.  So there's my excuse.  ;)

Last week we went back to our hometown for Thanksgiving.  It was the first time I was there since my diagnosis.  It turned out to be more stressful than I had anticipated for a variety of reasons including a 2 day trip in a tiny car with 3 little girls in the back.  (Besides a family member being extremely ill)   I expected someone to say something or ask questions, but no one did - not even when the stress of the week caught up to me and I had an awful tremor during one of our Thanksgiving meals.  I know there are probably a hundred reasons for it - not the least of which was the thoughts for our ill family member.  I have had generally one of two reactions to my diagnosis:  "are you gonna die?" or "I don't want to talk about it".  I really hope one day we get to the answers:  "not necessarily a lot sooner" and "I need to talk about it. Please try to understand what is happening to me."  

I am still processing this whole thing.  The move has been a great diversion and has mostly taken my mind off of it.  However, as the move winds down, reality is setting in and I am having a hard time wrapping my thoughts around it.  

So far, here's my reaction...

1.  when the first doc said "pd might be a possibility - take this pill and make sure it doesn't work" and then it worked I was shocked and mostly kept my feelings to myself - crying when no one else could see.

2.  then the specialist confirmed the pd and I went into research mode - looking for all the information I could find, meeting others on the internet and even going to Atlanta to  a YOPD conference.

3.  then we moved and I let myself go into denial for a while.  I was too busy to think about it.

4.  Now, I am realizing I really do have Parkinson's, I will be on medication the rest of my life, any little bit of stress or any strong emotion sets my arm into tremors, I will continue to lose control of my body (and possibly/probably my mind) little by little, brain surgery is a pretty good possibility, and worst of all my husband and my little girls will have to watch me slowly deteriorate.   

Fun stuff, huh?

Any of my super smart friends wanna find a cure?