Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Going Home Again

Ok, so I know it's been a LONG time since I posted.  In the past few months we bought a house and have been moving and renovating.  We are hoping to be done very soon, but it has been a long process.  So there's my excuse.  ;)

Last week we went back to our hometown for Thanksgiving.  It was the first time I was there since my diagnosis.  It turned out to be more stressful than I had anticipated for a variety of reasons including a 2 day trip in a tiny car with 3 little girls in the back.  (Besides a family member being extremely ill)   I expected someone to say something or ask questions, but no one did - not even when the stress of the week caught up to me and I had an awful tremor during one of our Thanksgiving meals.  I know there are probably a hundred reasons for it - not the least of which was the thoughts for our ill family member.  I have had generally one of two reactions to my diagnosis:  "are you gonna die?" or "I don't want to talk about it".  I really hope one day we get to the answers:  "not necessarily a lot sooner" and "I need to talk about it. Please try to understand what is happening to me."  

I am still processing this whole thing.  The move has been a great diversion and has mostly taken my mind off of it.  However, as the move winds down, reality is setting in and I am having a hard time wrapping my thoughts around it.  

So far, here's my reaction...

1.  when the first doc said "pd might be a possibility - take this pill and make sure it doesn't work" and then it worked I was shocked and mostly kept my feelings to myself - crying when no one else could see.
2.  then the specialist confirmed the pd and I went into research mode - looking for all the information I could find, meeting others on the internet and even going to Atlanta to  a YOPD conference.
3.  then we moved and I let myself go into denial for a while.  I was too busy to think about it.
4.  Now, I am realizing I really do have Parkinson's, I will be on medication the rest of my life, any little bit of stress or any strong emotion sets my arm into tremors, I will continue to lose control of my body (and possibly/probably my mind) little by little, brain surgery is a pretty good possibility, and worst of all my husband and my little girls will have to watch me slowly deteriorate.   

Fun stuff, huh?

Any of my super smart friends wanna find a cure?

3 comments:

Joe said...

I wish you well. Where I do not know exactly how you feel, I will say I had many of the same thoughts and concerns myself when I was diagnosed with PD almost 5 years ago at the age of 38. Good luck and God bless on your journey.

Unknown said...

First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY that was me yelling it to you. I am sorry I haven't read your blog before but I will in the future you can be sure of that. I remember when I was told pd and it was very similar to you. I still even though I have known for a very long time try to hide it. It just won't go away. I don't see my family very often and when I do they tend to ignore it also. I think it's their way of coping, and that's all right we have so much else to talk about. Have a wonderful day I'll bounce in from time to time to catch up on your adventures. Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear Kar happy birthday to you. Sass

Joanie Butler said...

Hey Kari,

I'm a day late with the birthday wishes, but "HAPPY BIRTHDAY," I hope that your day went well.

Your experience with your family is very similar to what my family was like in the beginning. After about 1 1/2 years, I finally told them that it doesn't upset me to talk about having PD, and I was writing about it some on my blog, so then they began to ask questions. So, maybe when your family has had time to process they will come around as well.

I am hoping that you did not overwork yourself with the move and the remodel, plus taking care of your three little ones. I know that just managing a house and taking care of my 4-year-old wears me down most days and this summer when I was working and trying to repaint our kitchen and dining rooms I was exhausted. So, be good to yourself and try to get some rest. You don't have to get everything done all at one time.

Be blessed and walk in God's rich grace. I'm going to put you on my blog-roll so keep posting for me so I can keep up with ya. I've been missing you on PLM.

Joanie - (jbphotonut)

PS - I have a great contest going over at my blog and it is linked to many others, so check it out!